Those who are victims of bullying stop living. Not only those who die tragically by committing suicide because of bullying or those who lose life by being bashed, punched or beaten up.

Other people stop living too. They are those who are forced by fear to not speak, to not react, to hide in a corner, to stay apart from the others.

Those people stop living as well.

Being a social outcast is the result of progressive isolation, marginalization and self-exclusion from any human contact, relationship, group.

Because of bullying a victim becomes a social outcast without any social engagement with anyone else.

Being a social outcast means living in a profound unbearable suffering condition.

And those who are forced to be a social pariah, they really stop living.

Bullying is a persecutory violence.

It’s the repetition of intentionally persisting aggressive behaviors that makes bullying a persecution.

By suffering persisting aggressive menaces, continuous prevarications and violent conducts the victims experience a progressive psychological upset and a lasting sense of stress and fear.

By the time stress and fear make victims feel a profound insecurity for their own safety so that they are forced to change habits and even living styles or conditions.

But extreme consequences are also possible, although never expected.

Victims of bullying don’t know longer live their life.

They stop living their usual, ordinary life made of daily gestures and ordinary normality.

So bullying makes them change places, hobbies, pastime, even look, friends.

Bullying make them change everything until they lose themselves trying to be likeable, to be accepted by others or to cater to others’ desires.

The others matter more than themselves. Victims stay totally subdued under their tormentors’ will.

The acceptance from others becomes progressively the only worth living condition to them, the only reason of well-being so that its negation compromises the very meaning of living.

But rapidly bullying converts a human need into a subtle conformity, dangerous homogenization, and consequently, it also becomes self annihilation, destruction of personality, loss of autonomy until it turns conversely into fear, anxiety, terror.

In such a perverse cycle, the point of no return is when the more the others demand the more the victims give away until they get deprived by any self-determination, autonomy and freedom.

And as their freedom diminishes, the victims perceive a more profound weakness, until they lose any self-esteem.

So victims become more fragile, and fragility becomes a persisting state of mind jointly with a constant sense of fear.

But by that time fragility and fear begin to change the ontological condition of human existence, from within and permanently.

The victim experiences and lives in a continuous state of exasperation and frustration. And the measure of that emotional and psychic state is anxiety.

Fragility and fear damage self-confidence and also safety. They are the antithesis of independence and freedom.

And when something threatens independence and freedom, it also threatens the entire human life.

Bullying threatens human life. It also tramples human rights.

Bullying kills life. And those who bully also kill.

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A positive socialization means promoting a social interaction inspired by positive values such as trust and respect through education instead of punishment. A positive socialization also means letting the problems come out themselves instead of inculpating and incriminating someone elses.
But that doesn’t imply that bullying, harassment and violence are justified as a “game” or as a “caper“.
Violence is always something to condemn and eradicate by anyone, anytime, anywhere.
That is is the only approach possible and worth teaching, both in schools and in families. Bullying is not a normal part of life; nothing can be tolerated that nobody should tolerate. No possibility, no room for bullying should be allowed.
Both schools and families must raise such awareness against bullying in order to shape and reshape tomorrow’s citizens.
The seeds to strengthen the new generations require a favorable ground that must be fueled by trust and self-esteem together with social competencies.
The more bullying is known the less the fear to speak out the greater the courage to stand up to it.

Fighting bullying is more than a moral imperative or a “teens’ issue”.

Fighting bullying and raising awareness about the necessity of “no more bullying” mean setting measurable targets and checking on them regularly.

Without targets nothing gests measured and nothing changes.

And it’s also necessary to go one step further by convincing the young that violence is never the right path.

Anti-bullying initiatives and campaigns can only deliver results if they are systematically delivered throughout the school and the online communities where teens and tweens live their sparetime.
“No more bullying” means creating a sense of justice and guard against discriminations, unconscious or not, in order to help the victims up both those who speak out and those who remain silent and almost invisible.
And then a cultural change must be fueled.
The rewards – a more ethical society and a bully-free world – are worth it.
The power to change and to keep moving forward lies in our hands.

No more bullying is up to us.

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Even if anonymity is true only in appearance, since digital footprints cannot be removed, all the above mentioned characteristics are the reasons why bullies persist on their bullying behaviours and don’t stop.

Basically they ignore both risks and consequences of their bullying behaviours and the fact that their conducts could be prosecutable.

By the way, the only certainty of cyberbullying is to have no certainty. On the contrary, traditional bullying happens predictably. Bullying has a specific bully; bullying is caused by a person or a group in the flesh.

Bullying exists in specific delimited spaces and it also happens in limited moments, as during lessons at schools or during sport training or in a public space every time the victim faces the bully.

Space as well as time is a certainty in bullying.

Bullying is an absolutely temporary event in the ordinary life, while its effects, expecially the psychological ones, are painfully permanent, as the bullying experience becomes crushing and devasting.

Due to its intrinsic predictability, every bullying event should be anticipated, foreseeable and preventable if only victims could stop silence.

Conversely, cyberbullying is totally permanent. It may happen at any time, in every single instant, whatever the moment of the online life.

Whatever the web access, as soon as the online connection works, cyberbullying enlivens its ghost.

Cyberbullying is never a temporary event of the online life: cyberbullying is an absolutely permanent event of the online life.

Being a victim of cyberbullying represents a continuous and lasting stigma in the online life.

Moreover, victimisation gets unstoppable as persistingn online bullying behaviors amplify the harassment itself through the web, thus resulting in a never ending online persecution.

And the stronger the bully, the weaker the victim, the heavier the victimisation.

Thus, the absence of any viable exit makes cyberbullying worse than bullying.

Whatever the means, either flaming or instant messaging, either impersonation or trickery, either exposure or cyberstalking, such permanent harassment provokes the same feelings and the same consequences over the victims, which are power imbalance, fear, isolation, and loss of esteem. Thus, silence prevails and wins.

Whatever the country, whatever the legislation, no matter the number of occurrences, it has become necessary to do something to stop such cycle of violence.

Several campaigns, protocols and agreements, shared among web platforms and social networks, have been disseminated through the web, resulting in a more raised awareness. They’ve also ruled behaviors and conducts both online and offline in order to possibly prevent and sanction bullies’ actions.

Nevertheless, there’s plenty of work still to come in order to help and assist victims in overcoming the lasting effects that the devastating tsunami of bullying is having on themselves from within.

Since bullying and cyberbullying let a stigma that cannot be ever completely removed.

To the loving memory of my father

The post Cyberbullying and Bullying: Why They Make Life Unliveable appeared first on Mobbible.

Bullying is everywhere and it also hurts anyone.

The same are the mechanisms of persecution; the same the effects on the victim.

And their silence strengthens the abuse.

Vulnerability, fear, shame, unsecurity are what bullying victims feel because of bully’s persistent, neverending abuses and persecutory behaviours.

So, how can you help victims to stand up against bullying?

• First of all, don’t let them alone.
• Then, listen to them even when they aren’t speaking.
• Finally, pay attention to their behaviours.

They may not ask for help, but that doesn’t mean that help isn’t wanted. It is up to you to help them to tell the truth or talk to an adult and ask for help.

Encouraging reporting of bullying means being halfway there.

Bullying victims don’t speak out, don’t stand up against bullying because they are afraid. They are alone. No one supports them, neither their peers for fear of reprisals, nor teacher and parents because both of them often ignore the facts.

New media do not represent a threat, but one of the possible means, just a more formidable place for borderline behaviours to happen, ranging from youth deviance to psychology of groups and bullying.

In a complex and almost unexplored environment, as the internet is, early detection and continuous supervision over kids, tweens and teens are aiming at impeding the worst consequences and unlawful conducts connected to those phenomenons.

But the mechanisms by which youth, expecially teens and tweens, become victims or co-authors of internet-related crimes against someone else, be it stalking, injury, diffamation, cyberbullying or identity theft, have always their origin in the real life, where the youth live, act and move.

So, bullying common places are the schools, the gym, the park or other location where entertainment takes place.

Bullying doesn’t consists in a single act of violence or verbal attack; it’s the repetition of violence against someone else that is bullying.

Bullying happens when the attack from a single offence turns into persecution.

Persecution originates from within the social relationships and the one-to-one interactions, but it also generates severe consequences from the legal side and the psychological one.

Moreover, as persecution persistently goes on, it will cause long-term harmful effects on victims.

Only a few victims ask for help and denounce. The most get blocked by fear.

A very small percentage, as we mentioned in the article “Online Bullying Threats and Facts”:

…. the 2014 survey also found that 24% said that they would not know what to do in the event of cyberbullying (“how about stay away from the bully’s page and block the bully from your page?”).

are aware of such a violence, of its gravity and consequences.

Young victims don’t know how to defend and why it is absolutely necessary.

The fear of reprisals or punishments from their parents or the risk of not receiving from them their beloved promised smartphones foster the silence of young victims, together with the shame and the fear they feel.

 Silence, Shame and Fear Are #Bullying Best Friends. Put an end to them. Put an end to Bullying. — MBevangelist (@Mobbible) 6 Novembre 2014

So we have to convince and help bullying victims to change their  mind, beliefs, attitudes, in order to get it over with shame, fear and silence.

The post Why Bullying Victims Portrait Is Always the Same appeared first on Mobbible.

Families have a central role and a significant weight in preventing bullying or cyberbullying events and victimization.

But to understand that point, it is necessary to re-discover the profound and intrinsic value family has.

Family is the heart of human life, family is the breast, the warmth, it is the most natural and the easiest place where answers and the right path can be found.

Bullying episodes and cyberbullying cases ending with suicides are much more common than ever: even in Italy bullying and cyberbullying have their victims.

While it is not helpful asking to what extent desperation stretches and what kind of mechanism generated abuse, persecution and bullies, nevertheless we cannot accept the absurdity of trunked human lives or broken families, nor can we justify that extreme and dramatic choices. Suspending judgement is due.

However, it is no longer possible to stay indifferent as a spectator.

Being spectator is equal to participate actively to that human life sacrifices. It also means to have neither care nor respect for next generations. While we are working for them and building the foundation of their future we are at the same time contributing to their death. If not physical, emotional and psychological.

So in fighting bullying we must fight the indifference firstly and the fear secondly. Fighting fear and indifference must be perceived as not only an individual commitment but also a collective responsibility.

Bullying is not a personal problem but a pressing and emerging social need.

In coping with such plague everyone can do a great job both in raising awareness and in engaging others to play an active role. Everyone can take part at schools, within sporting clubs, families, peers groups, communities.

Everywhere, everyone can give a personal contribution. Everyone’s commitment is the spark that spreads the necessity to face the emergency.

It is no longer possible to ignore, to let the responsibility pass on others. There are not isolated cases. It is not possible to blame someone else or something else.

No one is guilty. Everyone is guilty. Nor it is even possible to put the blame on how difficult communication is between adults and teens.

Silence is the first problem to fight. The absence of a closer contact, of a sincere and immediate interest and empathy between different generations is always harmful.

Mere surveillance is not enough, nor is it the continuous control over the teens or kids. Such control may be illusory and ineffective, if only relying on inadequate instruments such as inspecting diaries, computers or smartphones. When the awkwardness starts occupying the heart of a child and the perception of being abandoned becomes greater and oppressive, silence reigns and wins.

Monitoring shall not be pursued by means of external tools, but preferably through love and relationship.

But the relationship must be restored or recovered. Once relationship is woken up they have to be reactivated. When the sense of abandoning and the awkwardness become obscure mates of our teens, they follow and overcome them even at home, within the family and become heavier and worse once they enter the social environment.

Group dynamics may be constructive or destructive. Entrance, the acceptance and the permanence into a group are critical components in a critical phase of life as childhood is, they also persist in adulthood and influence the future behavior.

Every group has its rule: there are roles, not written but prescriptive within each group. Once you have a role, you stick to that role. Roles never change. Those who are subjected to them cannot refuse obeying and conforming.

Complacency and fear are the group basic roots and rules. Those rules are unbreakable, the law of the jungle is the law of the strongest. If you don’t respect the rules you will be out of the group. But this golden rule still holds true.

Thus, neither social network nor the web can be incriminated or considered a responsible source of suffering, isolation and a serious menace to our teens or kids.

We cannot demonize the technologies or the virtual places as responsible or root causes of phenomena that occur even in the real places. We should rather invest in someone else’s responsibilities, engagement and commitment.

We should invest in those who can discover, who cannot ignore, who cannot pretend not to know. We should invest in those who are the unique witnesses of their kid’s (or pupils) fears and suffering.

We should invest in those who can stop or prevent the situation from worsening.

We should invest in those who can do a lot but do nothing.

We should invest in families. The youngsters are let alone, more alone than past generations were. More the temptations, more the threats, more the menaces. And the weakest surrender, are excluded, marginalized, discriminated, hated, abused.

Relaunching families means starting from within the problem, but also hitting the bull’s eye.

Relaunching families means investing permanently in families and rebuilding society from the foundation. And then we have to ask ourselves how to restart to be a family how to become parents again, how to be born mother and father, how to recover lost time, how to fill the void, how to break silence and regenerate love feelings and gestures.

We must resume loving. Investing in love means to go on asking for questions each other parent versus kids, kids versus parents.

Restarting from families means restarting from compassion and love. By so doing, we will restart from self confidence, which breaks the fragile bubble of virtual life and illusions of being understood, beloved from people beyond the screen of a PC or the display of a smartphone.

The web is the reign of solitary socialization. Instead of being the place of dialogue, knowledge, connections, it has become the place of solitary people, maybe virtually interconnected but actually disconnected, separate from the real world. There is a viral video - Look Up – which expresses in an effective way such form of isolation, of latent and solitary socialization induced by the social networking.

Being disconnected means to have different languages, different communications styles, different mindsets.

So it’s difficult to intercept the turning point or the breakpoint where something has changed and situation becomes no more tolerable or completely unbearable to youngsters.

When stress created by bullying or cyberbullying translates in pain, suffering, fear, terror, depression, then control is no longer possible and no action can restore the situation.

Only families can intervene early and effectively from within, and can oppose responsible, mature and conscious resistance to bullying, be it real or digital.

The post Why Relaunching Families Means Fighting Bullying From Within appeared first on Mobbible.

How should they react to bullying?

I would recommend to adopt  my 5  Fs Golden Rule in reacting to bullying:

• Forget fear
• Focus on HOW, expecially  if someone condemn you to answer any sort of W-based questions about your bullying experience (WHAT-WHO-WHY-WHEN-WHERE)
• Find partners, alliances and sponsors
• Feign yourself dead and fight (follow the Sun Tzu’s Art of War)
• Face the bully

This is the golden rule in fighting bullying without feeding the bullies.

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